the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
