Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
