420 ftw
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
