Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
