I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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