At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
