please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
