The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
