Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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