He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
