That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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