Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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