rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
