Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
