I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
