I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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