One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
