I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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