There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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