I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
