Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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