I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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