Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
