so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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