Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
