we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
