just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize