Christians are straight up FREAKS
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
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When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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