Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
