So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
