I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
