I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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