Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it was like eating out sand paper
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
