Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
