Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
