drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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