omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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