Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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