UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
