The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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