Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
