john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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