Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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