Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
