some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
