Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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