I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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