I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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