Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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