My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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