He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
wow bdsm is so cute
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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