So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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