I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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