My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
