My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
