So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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