Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
