I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
