Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
