why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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