If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
