you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
