Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
