tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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